16. Competition & Comparison

Bright eyes looked onto the forthcoming world with a sense of hope and excitement. These eyes always saw the best in the world and it's people. They knew that she had been so privileged to have surrounded herself with such ambitious, driven, and capable women. Women who would inspire her to become more, and strive for all her goals. These eyes observed, and saw the goodness in everything. Everything but herself.

Bright eyes caught the light of others with the shift of her irises, but never saw the strong beams radiating from herself. Blinded was she, from the success of others. Success that seemed so far from where she was, so far from where she wanted to be. Her bright eyes dimmed, shadowed by her own shame. For how could they know insecurities like the ones she bore, or the embarrassment she wore, or shame that she was riddled with? Their highlighted reels projected on the big screen, comments of praise dripping from their fingertips, so far removed from the problems that she dealt with. Alone. Comforted only by her dark thoughts of imperfection and doubt.

These bright eyes used to be my own. Awestruck by the achievements of others and living in competition with those around me. I would always compare myself against their clothes, or their intelligence, or beauty. But it took a reminder from my younger self about my value and worth to know that the bright eyes needed to be reflected within in her own reflection. She needed a little more love, encouragement, and praise to see all that she was blessed with. To know in her heart that the Lord had loved her so much and given her such worth. From a young age I was so drawn in by the grand allure of the Proverbs 31 Woman.

"An excellent woman {one who is spiritual, capable, intelligent, and virtuous], who is he who can find her? / Her value is more precious than jewels and her worth is far above rubies or pearls." Proverbs 31:10

As I grew older I started to realise that this beauty and allure from within was not one single personality trait, not one beauty trend, or not one framework that we can all copy. This worth and value combines each woman's unique qualities, and doesn't work to separate and highlight differences, but enhance individual and collective beauty as people. Your experiences, talents, and mannerisms have all worked to create the beauty of who you are. Love and appreciate how delicately you have been weaved together, it is not by chance or by poorly developed scheme- but with such purpose and care. You are the masterpiece. Don't devalue the worth of the art. We openly marvel and gaze at the sunset, the colours blending and stretching across the sky. Captivated by its breathtaking beauty, and in awe of the Creator who conjured it. And yet, we look at ourselves in such disappointment. Captured by the perspective that we are not enough, and that we will never be enough, that we are so far from marvelous or breathtakingly beautiful... as if we He didn't create them both.

Bloom at your own pace. @sunflw_rs.

I don't think I'm completely alone in this competitive and comparative streak. I think we all at some point in our lives actively participate in this practice. And it all starts with one thought of doubt, or lack of confidence. Speaking candidly to a dear friend of mine, Reshinthine, who is also known as @sunflw_rs, I asked her what her favourite piece she's written. She replied,

"That’s a hard one but one of my favourite ones is: ‘Bloom at your own pace.’ I wrote this as a reminder and affirmation. At that point in my life, I was so insecure and compared myself to everyone around me. I was so consumed with being better that I forgot myself. I lost my identity and felt like the world is moving away from me." Sometimes living in such a fast paced environment does that to us. We need to be constantly updated and notified about the world and everyone in it. We chase after and try to match and outdo the highs of others. It is like there is an inherent and invisible race that we as people have attached ourselves to. Reshinthine describes it as, "The feeling of running out of time..." so much so that we, "chase after deadlines. We often forget to pace ourselves. To let us grow in and out of comfort and space. To bloom when we are ready to do so." We never stop to breathe, or to grow, or to see ourselves from other perspectives.

Perspective is such a funny thing. Its what we know and how we use that knowledge to see the world. Its what we can see, and how we come to understand it. As individuals, I believe we need to redefine and define what we know "success" to be. Your journey is vast and wide, like the gifts and talents you own. Your individual vision of success should flatter you personally, it should accentuate your strengths, compliment your character. Success should be true to you. And if these are all valid statements that are to be believed, then that means that:

You cannot compare to others because you were made for different purposes.

Other people's success or failures will not impact your own. Instead of comparing, we need more celebration, more support, and more love for one another and ourselves. Be content and excited for your future, and feel secure knowing that you have something new to offer to the world. That your perspective brings life, and that is irreplaceable. Okay I'm just going to stop before I pull out all the clichés and this all becomes super cheesy lol.

Competition is a thief of joy. We can't compare because we have different purposes. Period.