11. Disciples.

Everyone has heard about the infamous followers of Jesus. The ones who were dedicated, the ones who gave up their livelihoods, the ones who seem so... unattainable.

To me, it just seems so daunting and so far removed from anything I've ever experienced. No one has ever come up to me and told me to follow them, let alone give up everything I know. The disciples were cemented in my mind as a formidable presence, disciples who were chosen because they had their lives together, and knew what they were doing.

It wasn't until I was reading Jesus' most acclaimed and confronting sermon The Beatitudes. Confronting because it completely inverts wider society's beliefs, insinuating that those who are last- will be first in the Kingdom, and vice versa. It reads:

"When Jesus saw the crowds, He went up on the mountain; and when He was seated, His disciples [ A disciple was a “learner” who may have been curious or convinced or committed. ] came to Him." Matthew 5:1

A learner. The disciples were learners. Suddenly, the thought of Jesus' disciples being the almighty chosen few came crashing down. As I read more about them I realised they were very flawed and very complex people. People who would willing cut off someone's ear, and who would fall and flail through the sea as their Savior was standing on water right in front of them, and who would sleep on Jesus' fervent prayers and darkest moments. It makes me laugh, these people were such... failures.

How could Jesus ever pick them? They seem completely immature and wildly stupid. They seem like me. This comforts me. That someone who is studying the same subject, and hasn't started their assignment a week before it is due either. It reminds me that I am not perfect- but neither were the disciples. You don't need to be perfect to be a follower of Jesus. You can find peace and breathe deep knowing that. Prophet Lamar raps in his famed song Loyalty:

I said, tell me who you loyal to; Is it anybody that you would lie for?; Anybody you would slide for?; Anybody you would die for?; That's what God for.

That's what Jesus was for. God knew that we would alwaysss miss the mark, that we would always fail no matter how well-intentioned we were, and that we would could never meet His standards. So He personified Himself as a person. Fully man and fully God. Jesus. He lived the perfect life for us. AND then some... He died on the cross for allll our sins. Thus repaying a debt we never could. That is the Gospel.

We may never in this lifetime be perfect. But the best thing that we can do is be a learner. I think that this encompasses an element of humility. You have to admit that you are not perfect. You have to admit that you don't know everything there is to know. I remember my primary music teacher illustrating on the whiteboard a small circle. She then drew a larger circle around that circle, and continued to do so. The smallest circle represented what we now know. As we continue to grow and learn new things our little world of knowledge extends, and yet there is still more potential and possibility for our circles to get bigger. We can never know everything and will never know everything. That is okay.

This belittling fact gives me hope. That I will never be enough, and that I will always need Jesus. We've all the popular idiom, "Pride goeth before the fall." It speaks to the coloured glasses those with too much pride wear, it clouds their own judgement. An excess of pride and confidence can actually be the root of your failures. Therefore, release your pride, encourage self-awareness, and own your failures.

This is how you grow. This is how you become a learner. This is how you become a disciple.